Son Of David
Sometimes, we are weak. Sometimes we feel lost.
Moving to Tulsa has been both refreshing and difficult and I feel stretched sometimes. But when I have difficult times I do not sit alone. That is often when i find a friend. My best friend in recent months has been St. Josemaria Escriva, who writes the following:
When our vision is clouded, when our eyes have lost their clarity, we need to go to the light. And Jesus Christ has told us that he is the Light of the world and that he has come to heal the sick.
—That is why your weaknesses and your falls — when God allows them — should not separate you from Christ, but rather draw you closer to him!
Christ the Healer is in our midst, and we should apprehend Him. Often our sins make us feel cast out from the presence of Our Lord, but He is faithful to us. He is faithful to give us light! Ephesians 5 verse 14 puts it this way ‘‘Sleeper, awake! Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’’
We need to expose ourselves to the Light Himself, and be transformed. He is the Bread of Life and in Him we shall find healing, and peace. Christ shines on us, and is faithful to awaken us.
Sometimes I look at my life and think silly thoughts. I think, ‘God has left me, left me all alone in this broad world’ Then, eventually sometimes within minutes, hopefully no more than a few hours pass, and I realize I am the fool. I am the one who has walked away. Sometimes my sins serve to make me feel stupid and wretched, but often they fill me with the confidence that my awareness of them is a good thing, and that I am being cleansed.
I still find myself crying out “Son of David! Have Mercy on me!” as I used to. However when I do this at adoration, it is with joy. I enjoy these times of repentance and humility. Now that I am becoming Catholic, when I enter these moments it is with the confidence that He is in the room with me, in and as the Bread of Life. As surely as the candle at the altar tells me He is in my presence, so surely I can call out to Him for mercy when in adoration.
St. Josemaria also writes in The Way # 240:
Ask for light. Keep on asking, until the root is laid bare and you can get at it with your battle-axe, the particular examination.
When I call out to Him at church, in the little chapel where he physically resides, it is with the confidence that He hears me. I may be weary on the way from time to time, but I shall keep asking for light. If we ask for Him, shall He deny us? No. Surely not. As surely as we are not given snakes instead of fish or stones instead of bread, surely if we seek the Lord, He shall meet us on the Way. Even when we are not searching for Him, we can find him on the way, even as the disciples leaving Jerusalem for Emmaus were caught in grief with Him until he brought them to the bread, so too, sometimes we find ourselves clouded until we seek His face in the breaking of the bread.
I cannot yet take Holy Communion as a Catholic, but I do revere the Host greatly, and respect His presence in our midst, and I find it highly illuminating, granting peace and casting out fear.
Another thing I do often is pray this prayer which is prayed by the Eastern Orthodox Christians before reading scripture:
Illumine our hearts, O Master Who loves mankind, with the pure light of Your divine knowledge. Open the eyes of our mind to the understanding of Your gospel teachings. Implant also in us the fear of Your blessed commandments, that trampling down all carnal desires, we may enter upon a spiritual manner of living, both thinking and doing such things as are well-pleasing unto You. For You are the illumination of our souls and bodies, O Christ our God, and unto You we ascribe glory, together with Your Father, Who is from everlasting, and Your all-holy, good, and life-creating Spirit, now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen.
I often feel compelled to pray this prayer, and a single line meets me often when I feel alone, scared or unenlightened spiritually. “For You are the illumination of our souls and bodies, O Christ our God.”
It is often with those words that I join my intentions, or simply offer up a simple prayer:
“Son of David, have mercy on me, a sinner.”